Snatch a Bone Outta You

 

They say, 'You learn something new every day'. Well, today I learned a new phrase: 'Snatch a bone outta you'. Any way you slice it, that doesn't much sound like being on the receiving end of a compliment. It also doesn't sound like an invitation I would gladly show up for, either, especially in a dark alley. I have been threatened with many a thing in my day, but not even I have had someone threaten to snatch a bone outta me. Well, as of YET, anyway, but my outspokeness could always... er... open up the possibility.

I suppose on the scale of misfortune, there's bad, then there's BAD, and then there's having a bone snatched outta you. There aren't any current openings for that, so it sounds like there might be some very involuntary, rough, and impromptu surgery involved. Probably, also due to the facilities--or lack thereof--also not much in the way of painkillers or anesthesia into the bargain. On second thought there might be some existing openings that could POSSIBLY be utilized in a pinch by someone thus inclined, but I still don't like the sound of it one little bit.

Even in prison, you're not likely to have a bone snatched outta you, but... well, never mind about that.

The thought of such a thing being done certainly leads to many violent visuals, and sounds a little outlandish and exaggerated, but most words and phrases in the vernacular have their basis in historic occurrence, so let that sink in for a moment.

Which one would they take? One that's vertical or horizontal? Above or below the belt? Are there points awarded for size? Or neccessity? Or difficulty in extraction versus convenience? What about the particular fondness the victim may have (had) for the gleaming specimen? I guess that would be a bone in contention. I tend to think the skull itself would have to be off limits in this pursuit due to many constraints, but I could be wrong. You'd have to be out of your skull to do something like that. You'd want to hope it didn't happen on a cold night so you wouldn't get chilled to the bone. The whole experience would leave you bone weary. Especially if you were big boned.

I'd much rather have someone have a bone to pick with me, than pick a bone to snatch out of me.

More than ever before, it has dawned on me that I really do not understand the internal workings of the criminal mind. My innocence may be showing, but thankfully none of my skeleton is. So far, anyway.

Maybe you pulled a boner with them. Maybe the person is doing it out of an extreme envy. I can't see myself ever doing something like that, but then I don't have a jealous bone in my body.

Supposing you survived the ordeal and were able to identify your... uh... charitable surgeon, what would the charges be? "Your Honour, in closing, I submit that the defendant... SNATCHED A BONE OUT OF MY CLIENT!". That comes out as dry as a bone. It sort of leaves something to be desired in a professional, proper and sound legal presentation. I guess you'd have to bone up on it.

If the calamity of such an unfortunate event ever did befall you, the idea of what the bone head is going to do WITH your disembodied bone after the fact also leads the mind to wonder. I reckon the greatest of insults (besides reinserting it in a new place in you) would be for the bone snatcher to just toss it to their dog while all you can do is limply watch the mutt gleefully romp off into the bushes with it greedily clenched in his drooling maw.

I wonder if those SHTF/zombie apocalypse prepper folks have a contingency plan in place in case someone decided to snatch a bone out of them? Motto of the apocalyptically prepared: Don't be a lazy bones.

If someone ever follows through on their threat to snatch a bone outta YOU, you better fervently hope there is an abundant supply of splints and duct tape in your first aid kit. I'm double checking mine - make no bones about it.