In the Snow, Uphill, Both Ways...

 Our little existence could, for 99 percent of the time, be easily plotted on a map as between Renfrew, Shawville Quebec, Pembroke, and Eganville, and back to Renfrew. This we considered the Heart of the Valley, Forester's Falls being the absolute center, of course. I must have been into my teens before the thought that Forester's Falls wasn't the center of the worthwhile world even entered my mind.

Like I said before, we had Dittburner's there, with snazzy new Case and David Brown tractors on display at all times with orange paint on their wheels and chassis that looked good enough to eat. Hey, I'm a farmboy tractor guy, and everything I ever write is going to have a farmboy tractor guy flavour to it. I can't help it. My addiction doesn't have a known cure and I don't want them to find it, either.

So, we could buy virtually any farm equipment, most farm supplies short of feed and seed and fencing at Dittburner's, and appliances as well. And we did: our shiny new McClary stove came from there and no doubt Roy delivered it in person while I was at school. That stove served us well for 25 years.

Speaking of school, the Falls had its own. It was right across from the new, modern Canada Post post office, and it was thoroughly modern as well. Cory and I wanted to go there to be with Danny and Lynda Tabbert. Danny and Lynda, conversely, wanted to come to Ross Mineview to be with us. I guess the grass really must be greener on the other side. We were all frustrated that a "stupid road" (Kohlsmith Road) separated us four kids into two different school districts when we lived so close to each other. But, it made getting together after school and chores all that much more fun and exciting.

We had a flurry of new school building in Renfrew County in the 1960's and 1970's, and Ross Mineview, Foresters Falls, Admaston, and the never to be challenged Opeongo High School with its green and gold colours and awesome jackets that were the envy of all came out of that spree.

As a new school kid, I walked into a brand spanking new Kindergarten at Ross Mineview. It was built just in time for me to begin my destruction of the regional educational system and nervous breakdowns of all possible teachers.

I can't pull any of that 'I had to walk five miles to school uphill in the snow--both ways' stuff, because my first school experience was that of being pampered in the extreme. We had a dedicated Ross Mineview ('Mineview' for short) Kindergarten bus. Being that our Kindergarten days were only half days, we got on the regular bus in the early, often frosty mornings with the older kids. That first step onto the Big Kid's Bus was a BIG one. You had to swing your whole leg and hip around to get your foot high enough to get onto that first step, and pull yourself up with the handle. But, at noon, we--get this--walked out into our own CARPORT and into the Kindergarten bus to be taken home. If it was pouring rain, we never got a drop on us.

Our Kindergarten bus was a van. Emerson Kohlsmith, who ran Kohlsmith Bus Lines, preferred Chevrolet buses, so his new bus van, bought specifically for us new Kindergarteners, was naturally a Chev as well. Emerson was a born bus driver. He wore a cap sort of like a ship Captain's hat, and he walked with a bit of a gait from a deformed or injured foot, giving him a 'sea legs' look, so the older kids affectionately called him 'Skipper'. Emerson usually drove the Kindergarten van himself. If it was in for servicing and we had to have an old van in its place, we thought we were hard done by. Well, not really, but we thought anything other than our 'very own' dedicated new van was a clunker.

Later, when I did have to walk five miles to school uphill in the snow--both ways, it was a rude awakening, lemme tell ya.

The pampering in Kindergarten at Ross Mineview was almost at a stupid level. I guess the Renfrew County School Board was making a concerted effort to distance itself as far away from the infamy of one room schoolhouses as it possibly could, and we sure reaped the benefits. Our large, and very well appointed Kindergarten class (I think it was really more a daycare, to be perfectly frank in my appraisal) was carpeted everywhere except the washrooms and the dressing foyer next to the carport. Yes, we even had our own washrooms, with perfect little itty bitty wee tiny porcelain poopers scaled just right for our little itty bitty wee tiny bums. I think you could put one on a shelf in your own bathroom with flowers in it as a cutsie decoration and no one would be any the wiser that it was actually the real thing. Yes, and we had perfect little itty bitty wee tiny sinks to go with them.

After not working too hard on, well, anything, really, we sat down at perfect little itty bitty wee tiny tables for a snack to refresh ourselves from our efforts. After that Mrs. Black would have us lay down on the carpeted floor and cover ourselves with a snuggy blanket we each kept in the Kindergarten for that purpose. That was for a much needed 20 minute nap. Then we boarded our brand spanking new bus out of our brand spanking new carport to go home to do nothing particularly worthwhile or useful in general.

Yeah, Kindergarten was rough, boy. It was tough and you had to have your wits about you to get through.